Notes on a Garage Sale

  • I'm old enough that you trying to knock my price down from 2 dollars to one? You're a dick. 
  • Garage sales are for moving shit you don't want into the hands of people who want it or need it. Garage sales were not invented for scavengers and vultures to rip them off to go sell their shit in a junk store for three times the price.
  • If you're going to sell my shit in a store at three times the price, how about you wait a day before you sell it IN FRONT OF YOUR STORE TWO BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE?
  • No, you can't have it for twenty bucks. I said twenty-five, and if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll raise it to fifty.
  • Really? You can't afford the two bucks for a paintbrush which is worth 16 dollars, and you know it's sixteen dollars because you're an artist: YOU CAN'T AFFORD TWO BUCKS?
  • Take your "This set of dishes isn't worth twenty-five because this bowl has a chip" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Because you know what? These dishes deserve a better fate than your face.
  • How about you get your hands out of boxes which are sealed shut? NOT FOR SALE.
  • Yes, you. 
  • Your kid is a snot.
  • I'm not a professional. I don't want to haggle with you. I think it's tiresome and I'd rather be doing just about anything. As such, I price things fairly. Don't get huffy because you're a cheap ass idiot. I don't actually care if you walk off with that teacup or not. In the end, you can buy it in Value Village and see if they'll haggle. Idiot.
  • Have a nice day!