Pregnancy by the numbers

This pregnancy is comprised of: 40 weeks (give or take) 280 days 3 Trimesters 6 weeks of morning sickness 450+ Tums 1000+ prenatal vitamins 450+ midnight pees (a VERY conservative estimate. Dammit.) 4 ultrasounds 6+ baby/pregnancy books 8+ trips to Babies R Terrifying 10+ maternity shirts, none of which fit anymore 3 pairs maternity pants 6 new bras, 3 which fit now. Sort-of. 13+ trips to the midwife 13+ pees in little sterile cups 2 oz. blood drawn 50 percent extra blood produced 27 pounds gained 2 cup sizes gained (would be impressive if the twins weren't overshadowed by my gigantic tum) 2-4 inches in the ribcage gained 39 cm from pubic bone to ribcage (apparently on the LARGE side) Hundreds of gasps received: "Wow. You're huge!" Thousands of complaints about my hips, lungs, ribs, ankles, etc. 1 patient husband Thousands of exclamations: "Oh my god, we're having a baby!" Multiple panic attacks 1 baby, male flavor

Phew! That's alotta work! No wonder I'm so tired all the time.

I think it's time for a little nap.