Choreography By the Crew of the 7-11 Night Shift

Having a baby is an amazing thing. I'm thrilled to be able to be a part of this process in which a tiny zygote becomes a fully actualized individual with hopes, opinions, aspirations, and even a little grief (we'd like to believe that there won't be grief, but without grief there's no joy...and we can't have that, so grief it is). But I just read a childbirth book last night (the whole thing, cover to cover; dreaded insomnia wouldn't you know) and none of the pictures make it look like a graceful act. Interesting, animal, overwhelming yes. Graceful, aesthethically pleasing,

How can I get my birth choreographed by Martha Graham or the Joffrey Ballet? George Balanchine? Even Pilobolus? Maybe Cirque du Soleil would like to take on a little side project and create for me a less awkward- looking birth? One with amazing balancing acts and feats of human endurance and strength that won't make me look like a hippo in "Fantasia's" Dance of the Hours?

No takers? Well, I guess I'll just have to come to terms with my rather animal self. And my husband will just have to love my inner hippo in a tutu.