In Defense of Short Pregnant Chicks

I had to steal the husband's computer to address an issue that is a silent killer (of vanity) amongst short women worldwide. That killer is the look of surprise that spreads across the face when told that there are still several months to go in the baby-making process. I give you the facts:

  • We have to put on just as much weight as you tall women, but start with less to begin with so it's more noticeable.
  • The real estate between the ribs and the hipbones is far less, so we pop out a lot sooner.
  • Dammit, there's just not a lot of room in there! The baby's got to go somewhere! I talked to a girlfriend last night who told me she had shown the picture of me in a muumuu (it's all fun and games until someone wears a muumuu) to an acquaintance (a very tall acquaintance, I might add) who said, "Oh, she's looks adorable--when's she due?" When my friend told her January, she said, "Oh my god."Look here, all you non-vertically challenged babes out there, it's like this: I get weighed every month. I started at 119. I am now, six months into this adventure, 130 pounds. I have, in truth, only gained eleven pounds! But it's like I've been shot with injection foam, and am oozing out of all the seams and cracks, so lea'me alone!

    I'm supposed to gain another 14 pounds to be at the low side of normal weight gain (25-35 pounds), so you just keep those looks of shock to yourself! I promise not to laugh when you get swollen ankles and break out in pregnancy acne, deal? Or when you get hemorrhoids and have to sit on on donut.

    Okay, maybe I'll laugh then*.

    *No, I wouldn't laugh then. It sounds positively horrible. My sympathies for anyone with the 'oids. One more indignity suffered with the many...