All Day Every Day Sickness

Okay. I know that I was stressed out and said that I wanted morning sickness to take the edge of worry off the possibility of miscarriage. And I meant it, too. It was a reassuring thing somehow--proof that my body was overdosing on hormones just like it was supposed to with a bun in the oven. And now that I've had it, I'd like it to go away.

Can I express the horror with which I faced the hallway in my hotel in New York each day when I left for a walk? The ghastly wave of revulsion and cold sweat that would overtake me with the smell of old room service food? How about the night (the ONLY night) that my husband and I went to dinner, I ordered what seemed like a reasonable dish, took one look at it when it came and almost fainted?

Or the grisly determination with which I am forced to steel myself while facing seemingly innocuous dinner tidbits, like tomato sauce, or chicken sandwiches?

How about the horrible behavior I displayed this morning when I went to get breakfast at the only place that didn't make my stomach lurch in protest, which, when it arrived, I managed to dissect into tiny mouthfuls of egg and potato, making it look like I was not playing with my food, but compulsively neurotic, more like Howard Hughes than an expectant woman?

And another thing: I am always somewhere teetering on the edge of nausea and starvation, an unholy marriage if ever there was. I want to eat more than anything, but can't stomach much, so am always naggingly hungry and queasy at the same time. And wouldn't you think that at this time more than any other in bun-production, evolution would have seen to it that food never looked so good? That to insure the fabulous design of impending babyhood, a woman would crave food in a way that was overwhelming and awesome rather than run in fear from that oh-so-innocent-looking potato? This nature business has clearly not worked out all the kinks in the design. And then there's heartburn on top of it all. Did you know that? As if nausea and starvation weren't enough, there's heartburn too. What the fuck is that all about?

So yes. I got my wish and now have "all day every day sickness." Now I would like to put in a request for it to go away. Thank you for your prompt attention in this matter.