Hotels:

Let me start by saying that I looked. I really did. I looked and looked and looked for stuff near Dad. But, even though we’ve got the best chefs and the best ‘tude and the best of everything (well, maybe not Art Galleries, but that’s because the richies on the other side of the river decided they needed SOMETHING, so they cornered the market. Bitches), there are no hotels near Dad in Southeast Portland. Not bad ones, not good ones, not ones that you take Cherry the hooker to on your lunch hour. Nada. So this was what I came up with:

The Ace Hotel. A completely charming website, and friends of mine who got married last summer stayed there; they re-upped on their anniversary last week, so that’s gotta say something about the place. I think it speaks to a certain Portland aesthetic, even if it is a simulacra of the true “Portland aesthetic.”

If you feel as thought you’re ready for a true “Portland Experience,” one that typifies the sort of dysfunctional charm of our town, you might want to stay here: The Kennedy School. I’ve never stayed here myself, but I can tell you that they are a “Portland Institution.” In this case, an old elementary school, complete with chalkboards in the rooms, but adorned with quasi hippie murals. Um. I know.

I’ll preface by saying that I didn’t look for the chichi hotels, though they are abundant; I looked for ones that either spoke to silly ol’ Portland or were within a certain proximity to Dad. This Marriot is good for proximity, and I think I got drunk in their bar once about ten years ago, so that must speak to something. They’ve remodeled since I think (not due to my drunkeness, I hope), so I believe it’s a bit more gussied up. It’s on the river, it’s near bridges across the big water, and it’s just a regular ol’ hotel. Which is nice sometimes.

Bed and Breakfasts:

This one is the closest to Dad, but I don’t know anything about it. I suspect that “European” means “shared bathroom.” But it’s cheap.

Portland’s White House. No, really. I mean, it LOOKS like the White House! Looks pretty schmancy, all things considered, which means price is probably schmancy too.

With a name like the Lion and the Rose, you know it’s going to be frufru.

Vacation Rentals:

Maybe you don’t want a pre-fab experience. Maybe you want something a little homey while hanging out in our fair city; these may be options. Again, I’ve never stayed in any of them since, you know, I live here.

This place looks extremely promising, though tiny. An itty-bitty cottage right in the heart of things in Southeast, it is both very conveniently located and pretty darned cute.

This is also in Hawthorne, which is very near Dad’s house. Nice two bedroom apartment for rent.

This looks nice, and is not too far, though not right in the heart of our ‘hood.

I’ll keep looking, but this should keep you busy for a while.

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