Articles in Random Crap Generator
I concluded my little holiday book (which people will receive in lieu of those traitorous fruits) with this footnote:
I have seen my Drunken Cherries through to their conclusion, and there’s been no step which hasn’t …
Finally, after weeks of attempting chocolate bonbon creation, my little tubs of chocolate cherries have collapsed upon themselves in a tide of cherry ooze and ruptured chocolate.
Literally nothing else bad can happen to them.
The cherries …
We drove by this tacky furniture place on our way to breakfast this morning. In the window were life-sized porcelain cheetahs, one in calm contemplation, one hissing or growling at something–the theatre harlequins of the …
I’ve never been defeated by such a small piece of fruit. I have 25 chocolate-covered cherries for my toil. Twenty-Five.
It’s been a comedic affair so I don’t feel terrible, but I look at my tiny …
With the tenacity of a rabid pit bull and against all odds, I have finished my first batch of cherries. There have been set-backs, there have been losses, but fourteen little cherries are now wrapped …
1 Lb. cherries in the line of duty, drowned in booze but fated to the trash bin.
1 pint Hennessy down the chute. Words cannot express the sorrow for this loss.
2 batches of fondant, lost because …
My journey into the jungle of confection continues. The walls of candy are closing in on me, threatening to tip me into the abyss of madness. The world runs in rivers of blood-red cherry syrup …
It’s been a week since my Holy Grail quest began:
Found marble slab and scraper in bathtub this morning, still covered in poorly formed fondant.
Fondant Trial Mach 2 begins today. Hope springs eternal.
Husband leery of cherries …
Every year Christmas becomes a misadventure in present-making in the hopes of saving money. Last year it was homemade raspberry vinegar. I was so hugely pregnant (emphasis on HUGE–I looked about thirteen months pregnant by …
There is something perversely satisfying about drowning a bunch of defenseless cherries in brandy and sugar, and then taking a gigantic syringe and shooting up innocent strawberries with Cointreau, slowly plugging the fruity flesh with …
A girlfriend and I went out this afternoon sans tots. It’s possibly the first time I’ve been out on the town with neither The Bun nor my husband since the tot was a couple months …
A few weeks ago we took our quilt in to be dry cleaned at a little Mom and Pop Korean laundry after one of our cats had a little mishap on it. The weather had …
iCal is a harsh mistress. Because I am sharing only two brain cells for all my higher functions now that I get no sleep, I’ve come to rely on the alarms in my calendar to …
The neighbors behind us have added a stolen newspaper box to their back yard.
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