This pregnancy is comprised of:

40 weeks (give or take)
280 days
3 Trimesters
6 weeks of morning sickness
450+ Tums
1000+ prenatal vitamins
450+ midnight pees (a VERY conservative estimate. Dammit.)
4 ultrasounds
6+ baby/pregnancy books
8+ trips to Babies R Terrifying
10+ maternity shirts, none of which fit anymore
3 pairs maternity pants
6 new bras, 3 which fit now. Sort-of.
13+ trips to the midwife
13+ pees in little sterile cups
2 oz. blood drawn
50 percent extra blood produced
27 pounds gained
2 cup sizes gained (would be impressive if the twins weren’t overshadowed by my gigantic tum)
2-4 inches in the ribcage gained
39 cm from pubic bone to ribcage (apparently on the LARGE side)
Hundreds of gasps received: “Wow. You’re huge!”
Thousands of complaints about my hips, lungs, ribs, ankles, etc.
1 patient husband
Thousands of exclamations: “Oh my god, we’re having a baby!”
Multiple panic attacks
1 baby, male flavor

Phew! That’s alotta work! No wonder I’m so tired all the time.

I think it’s time for a little nap.

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