When the Mistress of Slumber Eludes Us
The husband and I are taking a little road trip, so today, more than ever, I should try to sleep as much as possible. And yet, here I sit.
This road trip is of great concern. Are we going to have to stop every 37 minutes to find a loo? Are my husband and I going to have to trade off driving every 20 minutes because our backs both ache (he threw his out somewhat recently; it’s like Sanford and Son around here except we’re both Fred Sanford, bitching about our ailments and pains all the time. Actually, now that I think about it, he doesn’t really bitch. So really, I guess it’s me bitching enough for the both of us)? Will I get enough turkey jerky in Olympia to last me until the Canadian border? These are all going to be answered in short order, and it could be ugly.
And I want to carry around my new diaper bag, but you know, I just don’t have any diapers to lug around yet. Or, more correctly, I don’t have a baby to lug around yet, which you kind of need for the diaper bag to really work with your ensemble (a complete non sequitur: I’ve been writing down his name on things lately: “_____’s New Thingie,” “Goofy Graphics for _______.” It hasn’t seemed real to me at all until last night when I reread this birth announcement I’m thinking about, and there it was: his name, written out for when he is actually here; not some strange, elusive creature that breaches like a whale in my tum and then disappears, but a little human who, when he kicks, won’t be kicking my ribcage from the inside but from the outside, chomping away at the lunch counter that will be my chest. Then I realized, “Good grief, I’m going to be saying, ‘_____, sweetheart, you have to pee in the potty, not next to the potty.’”It all seemed very real for a brief, touching and terrifying moment).
So I wait for the sun to arrive, writing with Max curled up next to me (he’s pretending for whatever reason that he’s a lap cat), daydreaming about _______, wondering what he’s like, hoping that he’ll take it easy on mum as she’s stuck in the car driving north today.
I should be sleeping, but this is okay too.
[Edited to add: _____ is apparently awake, too. He just kicked me so hard that my laptop moved.]
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